theCompany

To: All Employees
Re: Halloweeve Pitcher Night – Saturday, October 24th

For centuries, The Company has celebrated pagan culture through its Arts!Alive! program. From the creation of Stonehenge, to sponsoring Saturday Night Live’s “Goth Talk”, to the career of writer-in-residence Dan Brown, the company has worked tirelessly to drive global pagan culture forward.

Every autumn, the company’s Arts!Alive! program has supported a particular pagan cause, and 2009 is no different. This year, the program looks forward to celebrating Halloweeve, this Saturday, October 24th.

To kick off this autumn’s program, The Company will host a Pitcher Night on Saturday, October 24th, one week in advance of Halloween. The event will be held at the Peter McManus Veteran’s Hall, starting at 9pm. Entertainment will be provided by a number of New York City improvisers. In keeping with the spirit of Arts!Alive!, ALL EMPLOYEES MUST ATTEND this gathering or YOU WILL BE FIRED. That said, those expressing particular enthusiasm for Halloweeve WILL BE REWARDED.

We look forward to your forced contribution to the success of this year’s program.

The Company Offsite - July 18th, 2009, 2pm

We look forward to seeing you at the offsite this year! Please comment on this post to let us know what you are bringing. In order to make things safe and enjoyable for everyone The Board of Directors has purchased all non food items that will be necessary (cups, plates, first aid kit, coolers, etc.). We will also be purchasing hotdogs and buns according to our estimated turnout. Those with special needs requests (vegetarian, kosher, pagan) should make their own arrangements.

Directions
There are three ways of reaching the island: Subway, Tram, and Car.
Subway: Take the F train to the Roosevelt Island stop.
Tram: The Tram Plaza is located at 59th St. and 2nd Avenue in Manhattan. The 4-minute ride costs $2.00 (you can use a Metro Card), and two cabins make the trip every 15 minutes.
Car: Directions can be found here: http://www.rioc.com/transportation.html

All players and observers should come directly to the soccer field in the middle of the island (see map, indicated in green). If coming from the tram or the subway, when facing manhattan, turn right and follow the left-most road “West Road.” The field is at the southern end of Ecological Park. The official meeting time is 2pm, but feel free to come early and scout out the area.

The Game
• The objective is to seize the opposing team’s flag from its base and bring it back to the mid point first.

• The flag will be set at pre-determined and pre-announced sites to encourage faster gameplay.

• Games will last one hour. The first team to score wins. If at the end of one hour, no team has scored, the team with the most prisoners wins. Games begin at 2:30, 4:00, and 5:30.

• Teams will likely be split according to the alphabet. You will not be picked last.

• Each player will receive a pennant corresponding to their team color. The pennant will serve as their capture indicator. Your pennant must be worn at all times during game play. It should be tucked into your waist band and at least 12 inches of the pennant must be visible.

• No more than 3 people can guard the flag, and they must remain at least 5 feet away from it at all times. This rule is subject to change.

• A player, when on the opposing team’s side, can be tagged and placed in a spot designated as “jail.” If numbers allow it, we may have multiple jails, including a secret “Abu Ghraib” jail that will allow torture, and documentation of said torture. A specific player will be charged with this task (the “Lyddie England”). This is a 2005 joke, but never forget.

• Players in an opposing team’s jail can be freed either by serving 10 minutes in jail, or by touching the hand of a member of their team (the “Liberator”) while still physically contained in the jail area. Multiple captives can be freed simultaneously if they are arranged in a human chain when one of them is tagged. Liberated players will be allowed to freely return to their side via the most direct and visible route, holding their hands above their heads. Once a freed player has returned to his or her side, he or she will be free to return to action. The Liberator however, can still be tagged and placed in jail.

• We may introduce mercenary rogue players known as “Hunters” (also known as “Gethards”) who will be able to jail people in a third “dead zone.”

*****Rules will, as always, be adjusted as necessary in the promotion of good times. If anybody asks, tell them you are with the Kaufman Reunion.*****

This meeting, like all others will feature an agenda heavily focused on business. With great foresight, our Memorial and Recreational products division has boldly focused on innovating out of the current economic downturn. Our meeting will focus on product testing on new options in kickballs, frisbees, footballs, and footbags (“Hackey Sacks”). Please dress appropriately. New activities are always welcome, particularly in the Four Square arena. Please be prepared.

The Board of Directors has generously authorized the purchase of hot dog, buns, fixins, and non-food items (cups, plates, trashbags, etc.) Employees are asked to supply chips, sodas, meats, or desert. That said, let us not forget the chip debacle of 2008, in which employee chip purchases single-handedly insulated the chip industry from the current economic downturn.