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While The Company management prides itself on having never cancelled an event because of weather, we also pride ourself on our long track record of no unintentional deaths. As a result, we must unfortunately cancel tomorrow’s Capture the Flag Offsite. Management will communicate to all employees exactly which beach we would like you to go to instead at a later date. We would like to assure you that our Weather Control Division has been summarily FIRED.

We look forward to seeing you at the offsite this Saturday, July 23rd, at 2pm on Roosevelt Island! Please comment on this post to let us know what you are bringing. In order to make things safe and enjoyable for everyone The Board of Directors has purchased all non food items that will be necessary (cups, plates, first aid kit, coolers, etc.). We will also be purchasing hotdogs and buns according to our estimated turnout. Those with special needs requests (vegetarian, kosher, pagan) should make their own arrangements.

Directions
There are three ways of reaching the island: Subway, Tram, and Car.
Subway: Take the F train to the Roosevelt Island stop.
Tram: The Tram Plaza is located at 59th St. and 2nd Avenue in Manhattan. The 4-minute ride costs $2.00 (you can use a Metro Card), and two cabins make the trip every 15 minutes.
Car: Directions can be found here: http://www.rioc.com/transportation.html

All players and observers should come directly to the soccer field in the middle of the island (see map, indicated in green). If coming from the tram or the subway, when facing manhattan, turn right and follow the left-most road “West Road.” The field is at the southern end of Ecological Park. The official meeting time is 2pm, but feel free to come early and scout out the area.

The Game
• The objective is to seize the opposing team’s flag from its base and bring it back to the mid point first.

• The flag will be set at pre-determined and pre-announced sites to encourage faster gameplay.

• Games will last one hour. The first team to score wins. If at the end of one hour, no team has scored, the team with the most prisoners wins. Games begin at 2:30, 4:00, and 5:30.

• Teams will likely be split according to the alphabet. You will not be picked last.

• Each player will receive a pennant corresponding to their team color. The pennant will serve as their capture indicator. Your pennant must be worn at all times during game play. It should be tucked into your waist band and at least 12 inches of the pennant must be visible.

• No more than 3 people can guard the flag, and they must remain at least 5 feet away from it at all times. This rule is subject to change.

• A player, when on the opposing team’s side, can be tagged and placed in a spot designated as “jail.” If numbers allow it, we may have multiple jails, including a secret “Abu Ghraib” jail that will allow torture, and documentation of said torture. A specific player will be charged with this task (the “Lyddie England”). This is a 2005 joke, but never forget.

• Players in an opposing team’s jail can be freed either by serving 10 minutes in jail, or by touching the hand of a member of their team (the “Liberator”) while still physically contained in the jail area. Multiple captives can be freed simultaneously if they are arranged in a human chain when one of them is tagged. Liberated players will be allowed to freely return to their side via the most direct and visible route, holding their hands above their heads. Once a freed player has returned to his or her side, he or she will be free to return to action. The Liberator however, can still be tagged and placed in jail.

• We may introduce mercenary rogue players known as “Hunters” (also known as “Gethards”) who will be able to jail people in a third “dead zone.”

*****Rules will, as always, be adjusted as necessary in the promotion of good times. If anybody asks, tell them you are with the Kaufman Reunion.*****

From: The Board of Directors
To: All Employees
Subject: The Company Picnic and Guac/Off – Monday, May 30th

What a spring! The Company is very pleased with the marked success of our Weather Control division. In celebration of their efforts, and in continued support of your physical and mental well-being, The Company will once again host a mandatory picnic meeting on Monday, May 30th from noon until dark. The meeting will, as always, be held in the Prospect Park conference and recreation facility.

This meeting, will focus exclusively on the business of recreation. Growth in our Memorial and Recreational products division continues in this unprecedented economic expansion. We will again be testing kickballs, frisbees, footballs, and footbags (“Hackey Sacks”). Please dress appropriately. We continue to look for leadership in the Four Square arena, and will liberally promote those willing to take charge.

We officially mark the start of a new Memorial Day tradition, and we again welcome our Co-Heads of Avocado Innovations, Kate Spencer and Oscar Magallanes, in hosting the Second Annual Memorial Day Guac/Off. If you would like to participate in the contest, please bring Guacamole and be prepared to eat it. The best guacamole will win a promotion and a coveted “Most Delicious Guacamole” badge that you will be allowed to display for one year in any forum you may so choose.

The Board of Directors has generously authorized the purchase of hot dog, buns, fixins, and non-food items (cups, plates, trashbags, etc.) Employees are asked to supply chips, sodas, meats, or desert. That said, let us never forget the chip debacle of 2008, in which employee chip purchases single-handedly insulated the chip industry from the economic downturn.

We need not remind you that the few employees who failed to attend last year’s picnic were summarily fired.

Directions: Take the F train to 7th Ave – exit at the front of the train on 8th ave. walk up the hill on 9th to Prospect Park. The Bandshell is right there on your right. we’ll be on the other side of the bandshell. if you get lost, make sure you’re on Prospect Park West.