To: All Employees
Subject: The Company Picnic – Monday, May 27th
Despite the best efforts of the 99% ANNOYING, The Company continues to reap record profits for our shareholders and employees. To celebrate another record year, particularly in our Thinnovations Division, The Company will once again host a mandatory picnic meeting on Monday, May 27th from noon until dark. The meeting will, as always, be held in the Prospect Park conference and recreation facility.
We are pleased to note that our Director of Hookups, Brian Fountain, Patrick C. Baer, our Senior Vice President for Global Security, and Michael J. Scollins, Executive Director of the Phillip David Charles Collins Center for Creative Disengagement will be joined by Sean T. Taylor, our longtime Director of Pizza Technology, and Kurt Guenther, our newly appointed Creative Director in hosting this year’s effort.
As per usual, this meeting will focus exclusively on the business of recreation. Growth in our Memorial and Recreational products division continues in this unprecedented economic expansion. We will again be testing kickballs, frisbees, footballs, and footbags (“Hackey Sacks”). Please dress appropriately. We continue to look for leadership in the Four Square arena, and will liberally promote those willing to take charge. Exercises such as Werewolf and touch football will continue as in previous years.
The Board of Directors has generously authorized the purchase of hot dog, buns, fixins, and non-food items (cups, plates, trashbags, etc.) Employees are asked to supply chips, sodas, meats, or desert. That said, let us never forget the chip debacle of 2008, in which employee chip purchases single-handedly insulated the chip industry from the economic downturn.
We need not remind you that the few employees who failed to attend last year’s picnic were summarily fired. Please use the appropriate hashtag #thecompanypicnic on all approved social media.
THIS IS A MANDATORY MEETING.
Directions: Take the F train to 7th Ave – exit at the front of the train on 8th ave. walk up the hill on 9th to Prospect Park. The Bandshell is right there on your right. we’ll be on the other side of the bandshell. if you get lost, make sure you’re on Prospect Park West.