From: The Board of Directors
To: All Employees
Subject: The Company Picnic – Sunday, May 24th
Despite current market turmoil, The Company remains committed to the health and well-being of you, its employees. To demonstrate its continued support of your physical and mental health (and to satisfy new OSHA regulations imposed by our radical fascist new government), The Company is pleased and legally obligated to host a mandatory picnic meeting on Sunday, May 24th from noon until dark. The meeting will again be held in the Prospect Park conference and recreation facility.
This meeting, like all others will feature an agenda heavily focused on business. With great foresight, our Memorial and Recreational products division has boldly focused on innovating out of the current economic downturn. Our meeting will focus on product testing on new options in kickballs, frisbees, footballs, and footbags (“Hackey Sacks”). Please dress appropriately. New activities are always welcome, particularly in the Four Square arena. Please be prepared.
The Board of Directors has generously authorized the purchase of hot dog, buns, fixins, and non-food items (cups, plates, trashbags, etc.) Employees are asked to supply chips, sodas, meats, or dessert. That said, let us not forget the chip debacle of 2008, in which employee chip purchases single-handedly insulated the chip industry from the current economic downturn.
We need not remind you that the few employees who failed to attend last year’s picnic were summarily fired. THIS IS A MANDATORY MEETING.
Directions: Take the F train to 7th Ave – exit at the front of the train on 8th ave. walk up the hill on 9th to Prospect Park. The Bandshell is right there on your right. we’ll be on the other side of the bandshell. if you get lost, make sure you’re on Prospect Park West.