From: The Board of Directors
To: All Employees
Subject: The Company Picnic and Guac/Off – Monday, May 31st

While our executive committee has been forced to spend nearly all of its time before the kangaroo court that is the congressional permanent subcommittee on investigations, the Company continues to remain focused on its main asset, you, our employees. To demonstrate its continued support of your physical and mental well-being, The Company will once again host a mandatory picnic meeting on Monday, May 31st from noon until dark. The meeting will, as always, be held in the Prospect Park conference and recreation facility.

This meeting, will focus exclusively on the business of recreation. Our Memorial and Recreational products division is beginning to reap the rewards of its bold focus on innovating out of the recently concluded economic downturn. We will again be testing kickballs, frisbees, footballs, and footbags (“Hackey Sacks”). Please dress appropriately. We continue to look for leadership in the Four Square arena, and will liberally promote those willing to take charge.

We’d also like to note a major innovation in this years meeting agenda. Our Co-Heads of Avocado Innovations, Kate Spencer and Oscar Magallanes, will be hosting the First Annual Memorial Day Guac/Off. If you would like to participate in the contest, please bring Guacamole and be prepared to eat it. The best guacamole will win a promotion and a coveted “Most Delicious Guacamole” badge that you will be allowed to display for one year in any forum you may so choose.

The Board of Directors has generously authorized the purchase of hot dog, buns, fixins, and non-food items (cups, plates, trashbags, etc.) Employees are asked to supply chips, sodas, meats, or desert. That said, let us never forget the chip debacle of 2008, in which employee chip purchases single-handedly insulated the chip industry from the economic downturn.

We need not remind you that the few employees who failed to attend last year’s picnic were summarily fired.
THIS IS A MANDATORY MEETING.
Directions: Take the F train to 7th Ave – exit at the front of the train on 8th ave. walk up the hill on 9th to Prospect Park. The Bandshell is right there on your right. we’ll be on the other side of the bandshell. if you get lost, make sure you’re on Prospect Park West.

This meeting, like all others will feature an agenda heavily focused on business. With great foresight, our Memorial and Recreational products division has boldly focused on innovating out of the current economic downturn. Our meeting will focus on product testing on new options in kickballs, frisbees, footballs, and footbags (“Hackey Sacks”). Please dress appropriately. New activities are always welcome, particularly in the Four Square arena. Please be prepared.

The Board of Directors has generously authorized the purchase of hot dog, buns, fixins, and non-food items (cups, plates, trashbags, etc.) Employees are asked to supply chips, sodas, meats, or desert. That said, let us not forget the chip debacle of 2008, in which employee chip purchases single-handedly insulated the chip industry from the current economic downturn.